As I wrestled with the fact that I had been going through
all the motions without the deep desire for Jesus that He really wanted me to
have….I came to a decision. I needed to
make some serious changes in my life. I
began by coming clean with the Lord about my “halfhearted” desire for Him. And I promised to start from that day forward
digging deeper into His word and making more time for Him on a daily
basis.
I had 5 children, 2 step children and a new husband of not
even 2 years at this point in time. I
was so busy all the time I could barely think clearly. But I decided that each morning after I got
home from dropping the kids off at school, I was going to sit down with my
coffee and start devotions. I found a little
book a friend of mine had given me a couple years earlier, and began to read a
devotional each day. I loved it! This book took me day by day through the Word
of God beginning in Genesis. It had me
in the Word….and really thinking about the topic of the day. I began to pray that God would ignite a
passion for more of Him in me. Little by little, my devotionals grew. I went from doing one a day to reading a chapter or so from several different books (including the Bible) every day. I found that I was soon spending about an hour (sometimes more) digging deeper. And my love for Christ was growing.
At this time my husband, Kevin, and I were attending an amazing church in our area. It was a church that God had led me to, just prior to my divorce from Steve. I had gotten myself into a bundle of deep sin at the church Steve and I had attended for the previous 7 years. It was ugly. I was ugly. And I needed to repent and then leave that church for a time of healing. I thought in my own mind that time of healing was going to be for eternity….but I was wrong. God had other plans.
The church I found my healing at was definitely where God
was leading me for that time in my life.
The Pastor was truly an amazing preacher! I don’t think in the 4 years or so that I
attended there, I left that place more than a couple of times NOT feeling
conviction from the Lord! That’s kind of
rare in our churches these days. So the
repentence kept coming and the healing kept coming and God was beginning to
place a calling in my heart. He was also
placing a calling in my husband's heart.
We just had no idea at this point what the calling was.
In the spring of 2012, my friend Karen asked….no, that’s not
quite right…BEGGED Kevin and I to come to the prayer encounter at K3 First Church (the very church I ran
away from 4 ½ years prior). We made some
excuses, but eventually we relented under the tremendous pressure. Thank you Karen.
Let me explain to you how very difficult just walking into
that place was that first night. This
was a place where I had broken my wedding vows to my first husband, and continued to get up on stage and sing in
the choir and perform solos anyway. Week
after week….knowing I was living in sin and wishing with everything in me that
I could find a way out of the pit I had fallen into…was almost more than I could
bear. But sin had such a grip on me that
it continued for almost 8 months. When
it finally came out and my church staff and friends began to find out about it,
I was filled with a shame I have never known before in my life. Some people were kind and embraced me and my
husband and tried to help. Others passed
judgement and wouldn’t even speak to me.
So you can imagine that the thought of having to walk in
there after all of this time, was very intimidating. By this time, I had repented long ago and found
forgiveness at the cross of Jesus….but what about everyone else? What would they think? Yeah….i cared. I wondered if the shame would all come
flooding back. I wondered how my new
husband would handle all of this. Would
he be so distracted by the thought of my past in that place that he wouldn’t
get anything out of this prayer encounter? Not to mention the fact that I
didn’t even know what we were getting ourselves into! Prayer encounter? Whats that? I pray….but this new idea of corporate prayer….hmmmm….I
just didn’t know. Would I be expected to
pray for more than a few minutes at a time? Who could do that?? What on earth
could you possibly find to pray about for more than 10 minutes? I mean this thing was supposed to be hours
long! How BORING!! And what if I was expected at some point to
pray out loud in front of others? Good grief!
That was almost too much for me!
I didn’t know how to formulate words out loud in prayer that actually
made sense to someone else listening in!!
God knows my heart and hears it and thankfully, understands it in spite
of my flaws! But others would have no
clue!
Well anyway…..we went.
Mostly just to get Karen off our backs…but also because it meant Kevin
and I would have a few days together and we don’t get much of that. And ……our lives were changed completely. COMPLETELY!!! I found that I had more healing to do from
that old sin of my past… and it was done at the very alter of the place that my
sin had taken place! I cant help but
think that it was planned that way….by God.
He’s pretty cool that way.
One of the things I find so interesting about this, is that
I had gone through the process TWICE at the other church to become a
member. And both times, God stopped
me. I had no idea why. But I do now!
I loved that non-denominational church and the people in it….but God was
calling me back. Back to my Nazarene roots! Now I don’t believe we need to get all caught
up in the denominational thing, because we are all one Church! But I was born and raised in a Nazarene
church. My grandfather was a Nazarene
Pastor. And when I left there…..I didn’t
feel like it was wrong to go to a non-Nazarene church. The church I went to was a bible based
church. The pastor called his people to
stand UNDER the word of God. It was
good. GREAT! But when God calls you somewhere else…no
matter what the reasons are….you just have to follow.
I followed …..but I dragged my feet the whole way. My husband felt pretty clearly that we were
being called back to First Church even before I did. I felt it, but I was in denial. I didn’t want to go. It was foreign to me now after making new
friends and finally starting to fit in at my new church of 4 years! But I looked to my husband to lead us in this
decision….and deep in my heart, I knew he was right. At this prayer encounter, I was convicted of not knowing how to truly pray. I had never really cried out to God very much. I was learning about the power of corporate prayer and worship. I was learning about calling on God to manifest His presence in our sanctuary! I was learning about the Shekinah Glory of God! And when it was all over…Kevin and I both knew that we needed to get to the Prayer Conference in Texas in the fall.
This was the beginning of the journey for me. Kevin has a blog that begins with how we got
there….so I’m not going to spend a lot of time telling that story. All I can say is that we didn’t have a dime
of our own in order to get there, but we prayed about it and after feeling God
was telling us to step out on faith and trust Him completely….we did. We don’t have a budget for our family. Mostly because our income varies and we are
always robbing Peter to pay Paul. So we
knew that God would have to provide every single penny …if we were to get there. And HE DID!!
It was nothing short of miraculous!
Next up….what happened when we got to Texas!
