What a way to start my morning! A cup of coffee, a sandwich thin with a pat of butter on it, and my homework from my Daniel study in front of me. I began to read where I had left off last night before going to prayer meeting. Immediately I was confronted with something I didnt even realize was an issue in my life. I think I read about 3 paragraphs and was so stricken with the heaviness of this topic that I could not go on. I began to pray immediately about it and ask God what He wanted me to do with this. The answer came quickly. STUDY AND MEDITATE ON THIS UNTIL YOU FEEL A BREAKTHROUGH. Wow! So what is this topic? F-E-A-R.... FEAR. Yep. Didnt know, I had it, but I do. And its been crippling me. I have a couple areas specifically that I can think of off the top of my head, and as I begin to really dig into this subject, Id be willing to bet that I have many more.
The writer of my devotional shared this one sentence and got me right there. " Fear God and nothing else". It got me thinking, if God wants us to fear nothing else but Him, then surely fear itself of anything else is from the evil one. She asked the question "what role does fear play in your life?". I stopped and thought a minute. The first thing that came to mind was how I fear not having enough money to pay our bills, feed our family of 9, put gas in our cars, clothe our children and pay for any extras that pop up during the month. I think I pretty much CONSTANTLY worry about this! And daily I say out loud to the Lord, "I trust you Lord and I know you have promised to provide for my needs". And then I get up and spend my entire day worrying about it!! WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT???
The second thing that came to mind was my 20 year old son. He is living at home, going to our community college during the school year and sitting in his room with no motivation to do anything during the summer. I have had multiple confrontations with him over this, and yet my FEAR of losing him has kept me from following through on what I most likely need to do which is to push him out of the nest and let him figure out adulthood without mommy by his side. I'm crippled by this fear. I'm not kidding you. He's great at making me feel like I nag him all the time and tells me frequently that he thinks what I really desire is to just kick him out cuz he's such a failure. He thinks I'm never satisfied with anything he does. Im sick with fear that I will lose him forever.
So what did God speak to me this morning? Several things. The first one is that I need to stop moving forward with my devotional until I have victory over this issue of fear! This may take me days, weeks or months! But I am to stick with it until I have been released from it. The second thing He spoke to me was about my issue with my son. If the opposite of fear in this situation is trust, then obviously its not about putting my trust in my son to do the right things, I must give this one to God. COMPLETELY! I must offer him my son every single day and trust God with his life. As I pondered that, the authors words came back to me. "Fear God and nothing else". I must have a healthy fear of God Almighty! If I seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, all these things will be added unto me. In seeking God Almighty and his will in my life, in being obedient and fearing only God himself, I can be assured that He will take care of my needs. He will take care of my son. I CAN trust God with this! So in humble fear of my creator, I realize that I have to do everything I can to raise my family in the ways of the Lord. My job with my son? Just to teach him the ways of the Lord. And Gods promise is that he will not depart from it. I raised my son in the church. He believes in God. But even the demons believe and tremble! My boy is not living for the Lord. But he is still in my house! And I still have the opportunity to teach him the ways of the Lord! Its not too late just because he is 20. He is not a child, but he is still a student!
I will fear nothing but the Lord my God. I will walk in obedience, seek His face daily, and trust him with my whole life. And then tomorrow, I will remind myself of this and do it all over again. Its a daily thing. Satan wants us to struggle with fear! We must put on the armor of God and fight this battle just like any other. Even when we 'fear' the fight itself.
I am not asking God to deliver me from fear today. Im asking Him to show me His glory in such a mighty way that I fall to my face in awe of Him and fear nothing else but the Almighty God, the Ancient of Days!!
And this is just day one!! I cant wait to see how He speaks to me about this tomorrow! :)
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
At the beginning of this year, I did something called the Daniel Fast. Its a 21 day diet where one eats only plant based foods or "pulse" food that comes from seed. During this time, the idea is to empty the body of chemicals and such and focus on prayer. My own personal reasons for fasting were to pray about a few very specific things. One was my children and their need for the Lord. One was my own battle with the idolotry/love of food. And the last one was for my churches upcoming "Prayer Awakening". Along with praying for my staff and the people around me, I was praying for a fresh new filling of the Holy Spirit in my life. I wanted to know Jesus like I've never known him before.
It is now the middle of March and I am still seeing the answers to those prayers come rolling in! God is SO good! Our prayer awakening is at the end of this month and I believe all 3 of my oldest children will be attending at least one of the sessions! Along with this, my 13 year old daughter, has finally said yes to being on the worship team for the youth group. I am praying that this will deepen her love for the Lord, by immersing her in 2 hour worship practices once a week! I do not want this to be about her being on a platform, but rather about her growing deeper in Christ and learning something new about worshipping the Lord. I have used this opportunity to pray more specifically now and have had a conversation with her about what leading worship really means. Its been amazing and she even admitted to hoping that this would bring her into a deeper relationship with the Lord. :)
God has been blessing me in ways I never thought possible! I always thought that God would only provide for my needs, but lately He has gone beyond that and even given me little gifts that warm my heart the way a box of candy on Valentines Day does! A few months ago, and this will seem silly to others most likely, but I ran out of the expensive powder my mother-in-law got me hooked on. I cant afford to buy a 37 dollar container of powder when at times I barely have enough money for groceries. So I began using some cheap powder that I had. Not the right color, and well....I just hated it. But I knew I could give up the "good stuff" and it wasnt a huge deal. Then a couple weeks ago, my Pastors daughter hung out with my daughter and when she came home that night she had a box of make up with her. She said "mom, Alea gave me some make up, and the powders and concealers are too dark for me. Maybe you could use them". I opened the box and found the exact concealer brand and color that I use! I was almost completely out of it ...and also, the expensive powder in the exact shade that I use (if you know this brand there are a thousand shades)! Is my God awesome or what?? He gave me a little treasure that wasnt a necessity, but rather something I had let go of, thinking I wouldnt be able to indulge in such trivial pleasures for a long while! It felt like a little love letter from God.
But the best thing yet came to me yesterday. After dropping the kids at school, I began crying out to the Lord for more of Him. I put on worship music and praised him while I sang a new song called "Awesome". I cried most of the way home. Then I got home and did my bible study homework in the book of Daniel. Heavy. Eschatology. Study of end times events. Prophecy. All difficult yet so intriguing! I just cant seem to learn fast enough these days. I want more. I put a load of laundry in and went back to my worship music, singing "awesome" about 50 more times. LOL By the time I finished, I had so much excitement inside of me, I couldnt contain it! So I went outside for a long walk.
I walked for what seemed like forever and yet not long enough! I had worship music in my ears and the snow was falling heavily around me. It was the most beautiful walk I have ever taken in my life!Well, it may tie with the walk I took down the aisle when I married Kevin, the most amazing man on the Earth today. :) Anyway, as I walked and looked up to the skies woshiping the Almighty, I was overcome with the urge to dance right there on the streets of Kankakee! I assure you that would have been bad, as I cannot dance at ALL.....so I refrained. But I felt a closeness with the Lord that I have been longing for since January! It was amazing! But then.....I left to pick up my kids, and while worshiping again, this song came on that had me completely overwhelmed to the point I could not drive. Listen to these words... "worthy is the Lamb, seated on the throne, we crown you now with many crowns, you reign victorious! High and lifted up, Jesus son of God, the treasure of Heaven crucified.....Worthy is the Lamb!" While listening to the words more intently than ever before, I had a vision of something that Beth Moore talked about in my bible study this week. She spoke about Daniel chapter 7 vs 9-14. I know this blog is long but i need to post this scripture. I never want to forget this as long I live here on Earth.
Daniel 7 vs 9.... " As I looked, thrones were set in place, and the Ancient of Days took his seat. His clothing was as white as snow; the hair of his head was white like wool. His throne was flaming with fire and its wheels were all ablaze. A river of fire was flowing, coming out from before him. Thousands upon thousands attended him; ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him. The court was seated, and the books were opened. (skipping to vs 13 here...) In my vision at night, I looked and there before me was one like a son of man, coming with the clouds of heaven. He approached the Ancient of Days and was led into his presence. He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all peoples, nations and men of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed."
The image that came to me was one of the Ancient of Days, my Heavenly Father, in all His glory, seated on His throne, looking over to see the magnificent entrance of His spotless Son! I can just imagine it....JESUS! FINALLY....all wrongs made right as He enters and ALL finally worship HIM! All authority, glory and sovereign power given to HIM! It struck me in that moment that all the glory I can muster up and try to give Him will pale in comparison to what He will recieve in the end, when ALL people will finally bow and glorify the one crucified for all! And I so BADLY want Him to get that NOW!! As a side note, i realized that I need to stop whining about how long I have to wait for things. I complain about life being unfair or unjust and I get impatient waiting for God to make it right! Look how long our Savior has been waiting! He sits in the throne room, interceding for us, while he waits for his second triumphal entry moment to come! If that were me, I would be constantly nagging the Father..." is it time yet? Is it time for me to finally get whats coming to me?" But Jesus waits on the Fathers timing. I will try to be more patient. To be more like Him.
I will never hear that song again, without visualizing my Savior in that way. Thank you God, for answering my prayers to get to know you more intimately. You have my love and devotion forever more!
.....this is all just what I feel like God has shown me. This blog is mostly for me. If others read it and disagree with me on anything I have said, I am fine with that. We must always search God for truth. And that is all I have been doing these days. My only hope is that my journey will help strengthen and encourage someone else. All for Gods glory!!
It is now the middle of March and I am still seeing the answers to those prayers come rolling in! God is SO good! Our prayer awakening is at the end of this month and I believe all 3 of my oldest children will be attending at least one of the sessions! Along with this, my 13 year old daughter, has finally said yes to being on the worship team for the youth group. I am praying that this will deepen her love for the Lord, by immersing her in 2 hour worship practices once a week! I do not want this to be about her being on a platform, but rather about her growing deeper in Christ and learning something new about worshipping the Lord. I have used this opportunity to pray more specifically now and have had a conversation with her about what leading worship really means. Its been amazing and she even admitted to hoping that this would bring her into a deeper relationship with the Lord. :)
God has been blessing me in ways I never thought possible! I always thought that God would only provide for my needs, but lately He has gone beyond that and even given me little gifts that warm my heart the way a box of candy on Valentines Day does! A few months ago, and this will seem silly to others most likely, but I ran out of the expensive powder my mother-in-law got me hooked on. I cant afford to buy a 37 dollar container of powder when at times I barely have enough money for groceries. So I began using some cheap powder that I had. Not the right color, and well....I just hated it. But I knew I could give up the "good stuff" and it wasnt a huge deal. Then a couple weeks ago, my Pastors daughter hung out with my daughter and when she came home that night she had a box of make up with her. She said "mom, Alea gave me some make up, and the powders and concealers are too dark for me. Maybe you could use them". I opened the box and found the exact concealer brand and color that I use! I was almost completely out of it ...and also, the expensive powder in the exact shade that I use (if you know this brand there are a thousand shades)! Is my God awesome or what?? He gave me a little treasure that wasnt a necessity, but rather something I had let go of, thinking I wouldnt be able to indulge in such trivial pleasures for a long while! It felt like a little love letter from God.
But the best thing yet came to me yesterday. After dropping the kids at school, I began crying out to the Lord for more of Him. I put on worship music and praised him while I sang a new song called "Awesome". I cried most of the way home. Then I got home and did my bible study homework in the book of Daniel. Heavy. Eschatology. Study of end times events. Prophecy. All difficult yet so intriguing! I just cant seem to learn fast enough these days. I want more. I put a load of laundry in and went back to my worship music, singing "awesome" about 50 more times. LOL By the time I finished, I had so much excitement inside of me, I couldnt contain it! So I went outside for a long walk.
I walked for what seemed like forever and yet not long enough! I had worship music in my ears and the snow was falling heavily around me. It was the most beautiful walk I have ever taken in my life!Well, it may tie with the walk I took down the aisle when I married Kevin, the most amazing man on the Earth today. :) Anyway, as I walked and looked up to the skies woshiping the Almighty, I was overcome with the urge to dance right there on the streets of Kankakee! I assure you that would have been bad, as I cannot dance at ALL.....so I refrained. But I felt a closeness with the Lord that I have been longing for since January! It was amazing! But then.....I left to pick up my kids, and while worshiping again, this song came on that had me completely overwhelmed to the point I could not drive. Listen to these words... "worthy is the Lamb, seated on the throne, we crown you now with many crowns, you reign victorious! High and lifted up, Jesus son of God, the treasure of Heaven crucified.....Worthy is the Lamb!" While listening to the words more intently than ever before, I had a vision of something that Beth Moore talked about in my bible study this week. She spoke about Daniel chapter 7 vs 9-14. I know this blog is long but i need to post this scripture. I never want to forget this as long I live here on Earth.
Daniel 7 vs 9.... " As I looked, thrones were set in place, and the Ancient of Days took his seat. His clothing was as white as snow; the hair of his head was white like wool. His throne was flaming with fire and its wheels were all ablaze. A river of fire was flowing, coming out from before him. Thousands upon thousands attended him; ten thousand times ten thousand stood before him. The court was seated, and the books were opened. (skipping to vs 13 here...) In my vision at night, I looked and there before me was one like a son of man, coming with the clouds of heaven. He approached the Ancient of Days and was led into his presence. He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all peoples, nations and men of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed."
The image that came to me was one of the Ancient of Days, my Heavenly Father, in all His glory, seated on His throne, looking over to see the magnificent entrance of His spotless Son! I can just imagine it....JESUS! FINALLY....all wrongs made right as He enters and ALL finally worship HIM! All authority, glory and sovereign power given to HIM! It struck me in that moment that all the glory I can muster up and try to give Him will pale in comparison to what He will recieve in the end, when ALL people will finally bow and glorify the one crucified for all! And I so BADLY want Him to get that NOW!! As a side note, i realized that I need to stop whining about how long I have to wait for things. I complain about life being unfair or unjust and I get impatient waiting for God to make it right! Look how long our Savior has been waiting! He sits in the throne room, interceding for us, while he waits for his second triumphal entry moment to come! If that were me, I would be constantly nagging the Father..." is it time yet? Is it time for me to finally get whats coming to me?" But Jesus waits on the Fathers timing. I will try to be more patient. To be more like Him.
I will never hear that song again, without visualizing my Savior in that way. Thank you God, for answering my prayers to get to know you more intimately. You have my love and devotion forever more!
.....this is all just what I feel like God has shown me. This blog is mostly for me. If others read it and disagree with me on anything I have said, I am fine with that. We must always search God for truth. And that is all I have been doing these days. My only hope is that my journey will help strengthen and encourage someone else. All for Gods glory!!
Friday, January 25, 2013
When God is quiet
So, last night at about 11:00 pm, I found myself tossing and turning in my bed. I thought at first that i was just upset by some news we had gotten earlier that evening that my step-daughter Hannah's mom might not be allowing her to go on a missions trip to Costa Rica with Kevin, my daughter Ali and me. We were really hoping to raise all the money we would need to go, and that this would be a trip that would forever change our lives and the lives of our girls. It seemed like God had dropped this idea in my lap pretty suddenly and it was just what we needed as a blended family of 9, to kind of help us along in the bonding process.
You see, my daughter Ali, at the ripe age of 13, seems to loathe going to youth group on Wednesday evenings. Seems like my step-daughter Hannah, age 15, kind of feels the same. I've been praying that God would help me meet them where they are and find some way to encourage them in their spiritual journey. Ali has always had a tender heart for the needy. So when God put the idea in my head and on my heart, to go to Costa Rica with my girls on a 10 day missions trip, I immediately shared it with Ali and she was ready to pack her bags and head out! I just kind of assumed her Dad and Hannah's mom would be peachy with the idea. Yeah, not sure what planet I was on at that moment!
I completely understand her mothers heart. Its scary to think of sending your daughter to another country without you, and shes thinking it may be dangerous since they are in actual need of a missions trip. Understandable.
So there I am in bed, tossing and turning and trying to figure out why God would lay this on my heart if it wasnt going to happen exactly the way I saw it in my head. Here is a little bit of my 3 hour long conversation with God from 11 p.m.-2:30 a.m. " Lord, was it really you that planted this thought of a missions trip in my head? Or was it Satan? Is this trip going to be dangerous? Cuz if it is, I dont wanna take my daughter there either! You know I hate flying Lord. I never even thought twice about doing a missions trip....even when they mentioned this in church last year....why now, if its not of you? I really hate flying Lord. This is too scary. Maybe its not safe. We should all just stay home and try to go another year. OOOH....maybe Satan is trying to get us NOT to go and this fear I'm feeling is from HIM and not YOU Lord! Still....I really do hate flying....better safe than sorry....we dont have the money anyway and trying to do a fundraiser for all of us would be a lot of work. Oh, yeah, thats right...if you call us to go, you will provide all our needs, so thats taken care of already. You will equip us for the task. sigh..... okay God, would you PLEASE JUST TALK TO ME???? Okay, okay, I cant hear you. I need to be quieter. ugh....that stupid fan is just too loud! (i cover my ears with my hands while my hubby is fast asleep next to me) okay thats better......its quiet now.....still cant hear you Lord!! Why arent you speaking to me? I'm not asking for an audible thing here....speak to my heart, or my brain, or my consience! Oh, for crying out loud!! Its still not quiet because I KEEP ON TALKING!!! I cant seem to shut up in my own head! Good grief! O.K....I'm being quiet now....speak Lord, speak Lord, and not through your word like you usually do...I need more than that right now....and I'm not being quiet again! OH FORGET IT!!!"
So thats just a taste of my one sided conversation with God. :) And then I decided to relent. Here were my last thoughts before finally slipping off to sleep. " I trust you God. And I've decided that even if you dont answer me tonight, even if you are playing hide and seek with me right now, even if you have turned away from this wicked wretch of a child because I'm too wicked and too.....wretched....you are not gonna get rid of me that easily! I will never give up on you Lord!! I will seek you for the rest of my days! I will seek righteousness and holiness for the rest of my days! Even if I am not guaranteed a home in Heaven in the end. I will NOT give up on you because I LOVE YOU!! Even though I dont even always get that part right. Even though I will never be capable of giving you ALL the praise that you deserve. I will never stop trying. I will never stray from you again. I will forever stalk you Lord. :)
And in that, I realize, the Lord spoke to me through....me....I guess. Because everything I just said about never giving up on him no matter what.....well, thats what HE says to me every day. It was like a huge DITTO was forever imprinted on my brain. From this moment on, I will remember last night the night God was quiet. Guess I didnt leave Him much room to talk, but He found a way after all. It may not have been the answer to my inital question, but the answer He gave me was better. Its all that really matters in the end. Everything else will happen exactly the way HE plans it. I need only to be still. Still working on that. ;)
You see, my daughter Ali, at the ripe age of 13, seems to loathe going to youth group on Wednesday evenings. Seems like my step-daughter Hannah, age 15, kind of feels the same. I've been praying that God would help me meet them where they are and find some way to encourage them in their spiritual journey. Ali has always had a tender heart for the needy. So when God put the idea in my head and on my heart, to go to Costa Rica with my girls on a 10 day missions trip, I immediately shared it with Ali and she was ready to pack her bags and head out! I just kind of assumed her Dad and Hannah's mom would be peachy with the idea. Yeah, not sure what planet I was on at that moment!
I completely understand her mothers heart. Its scary to think of sending your daughter to another country without you, and shes thinking it may be dangerous since they are in actual need of a missions trip. Understandable.
So there I am in bed, tossing and turning and trying to figure out why God would lay this on my heart if it wasnt going to happen exactly the way I saw it in my head. Here is a little bit of my 3 hour long conversation with God from 11 p.m.-2:30 a.m. " Lord, was it really you that planted this thought of a missions trip in my head? Or was it Satan? Is this trip going to be dangerous? Cuz if it is, I dont wanna take my daughter there either! You know I hate flying Lord. I never even thought twice about doing a missions trip....even when they mentioned this in church last year....why now, if its not of you? I really hate flying Lord. This is too scary. Maybe its not safe. We should all just stay home and try to go another year. OOOH....maybe Satan is trying to get us NOT to go and this fear I'm feeling is from HIM and not YOU Lord! Still....I really do hate flying....better safe than sorry....we dont have the money anyway and trying to do a fundraiser for all of us would be a lot of work. Oh, yeah, thats right...if you call us to go, you will provide all our needs, so thats taken care of already. You will equip us for the task. sigh..... okay God, would you PLEASE JUST TALK TO ME???? Okay, okay, I cant hear you. I need to be quieter. ugh....that stupid fan is just too loud! (i cover my ears with my hands while my hubby is fast asleep next to me) okay thats better......its quiet now.....still cant hear you Lord!! Why arent you speaking to me? I'm not asking for an audible thing here....speak to my heart, or my brain, or my consience! Oh, for crying out loud!! Its still not quiet because I KEEP ON TALKING!!! I cant seem to shut up in my own head! Good grief! O.K....I'm being quiet now....speak Lord, speak Lord, and not through your word like you usually do...I need more than that right now....and I'm not being quiet again! OH FORGET IT!!!"
So thats just a taste of my one sided conversation with God. :) And then I decided to relent. Here were my last thoughts before finally slipping off to sleep. " I trust you God. And I've decided that even if you dont answer me tonight, even if you are playing hide and seek with me right now, even if you have turned away from this wicked wretch of a child because I'm too wicked and too.....wretched....you are not gonna get rid of me that easily! I will never give up on you Lord!! I will seek you for the rest of my days! I will seek righteousness and holiness for the rest of my days! Even if I am not guaranteed a home in Heaven in the end. I will NOT give up on you because I LOVE YOU!! Even though I dont even always get that part right. Even though I will never be capable of giving you ALL the praise that you deserve. I will never stop trying. I will never stray from you again. I will forever stalk you Lord. :)
And in that, I realize, the Lord spoke to me through....me....I guess. Because everything I just said about never giving up on him no matter what.....well, thats what HE says to me every day. It was like a huge DITTO was forever imprinted on my brain. From this moment on, I will remember last night the night God was quiet. Guess I didnt leave Him much room to talk, but He found a way after all. It may not have been the answer to my inital question, but the answer He gave me was better. Its all that really matters in the end. Everything else will happen exactly the way HE plans it. I need only to be still. Still working on that. ;)
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Prayer Conference 2012
So here's my story of what happened at the prayer conference we attended this fall. Its nothing short of amazing!
The fact that we got there without having to put forth a dime of our own money was the first miracle we saw happen. God provided everything from beginning to end. He knew we needed to be there, and once we got there, WE knew why!
The very first night we entered Crossroads church we were immediately struck with the fervency with which the people in that room were praying! People were crying out to God and they werent whispering cries that come from the soul that only the Lord can hear, they were literally CRYING out!! Many were at the alter on their knees and some were even lower than that. Some laying almost flat on the ground. I sat and watched for a bit as this was kind of new to my senses! Then I closed my eyes and just sat. I tried to listen for Gods voice and feel His presence. It didnt take very long before I realized I was in a completely different place than I had been an hour earlier. I don't mean a different building....I mean a different place. A place where Gods manifest presence was dwelling. By manifest I mean, literally, His PERSONAL presence was there.
Nothing about the service seemed planned to me. I believe almost 100% of it was completely led by the Holy Spirit! WOW! Please dont misunderstand me...I understand that we need some structure to our services, but why is it that we feel like we have to put so MUCH into planning the songs and order of the service, and our Pastors (some of them...not all...Our own Pastor has been VERY sensitive this year to the Spirits leading) spend so much time and hard work preparing a sermon that pales in comparison to what will happen in our services when the ALMIGHTY shows up! What FAITH it takes, to just step aside and allow God Himself to completely take over!
Like I said, this was completely new to my senses. I heard cries that can only come from deep within someones spirit taking a voice of their own and being expressed with such freedom it was overwhelming! At one point, I recall Pastor Cindi saying " I bet this is what it sounded like when Jesus was at the Marketplace." Yep, I bet when Jesus was healing and casting demons out, people werent holding back for fear of what others would think. Pretty sure people just cried out in praise! We are told of Jesus' triumphal entry in Mattew 21:9 that "The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed SHOUTED "Hosanna to the Son of David!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Hosanna in the highest!" What would happen if we SHOUTED when we were in Gods Holy presence? Doesnt He deserve so much more than that even? And how are we even content to just sit in church service after church service never having been stirred by the Holy Spirit?
The problem is that we have just become "used to" church. Its something we do on Sundays. Sure, our motives may be pure. We say we are going to church to worship. But what exactly does worship look like?
In Texas, worship that week was like everything else in Texas....BIG!! MAN.....they did not hold back ANYTHING! But I believe with everything in me that worship is not truly happening today in many churches in America. Sadly, I believe there are even big churches...with big attendence who are just plain dead.
When I think of worship, I picture, of all people, the Muslims! The way they get on the ground and bow completely down! Or I think of churches so on fire that people start shouting out loud in the middle of a song or prayer or sermon! I think we hold back WAY to much in our worship! And Gods word says if we keep quiet, the stones will cry out! (Luke 19:40) We cannot let that happen! We were made to worship HIM!!! When we begin to worship like that, I believe God opens Heaven and POURS down His Spirit on us!
There was one morning at prayer conference when I felt like God opened Heaven and it literally touched Earth in that room! We were singing Holy, Holy, Holy, if I remember correctly, and everytime I closed my eyes, I truly believe I could see the shadow of the Holy Spirit passing in front of my eyes. I began weeping, because the presence of God was almost tangible. I could barely stand up under it.
This is just how it is when we get so desperate for Gods manifest presence to show up that we literally beg for it! We have to hunger for it. Thirst deeply for it. And never stop asking for it! And when He shows up?.....well our lives will never be the same. We will never want to miss church again!
The fact that we got there without having to put forth a dime of our own money was the first miracle we saw happen. God provided everything from beginning to end. He knew we needed to be there, and once we got there, WE knew why!
The very first night we entered Crossroads church we were immediately struck with the fervency with which the people in that room were praying! People were crying out to God and they werent whispering cries that come from the soul that only the Lord can hear, they were literally CRYING out!! Many were at the alter on their knees and some were even lower than that. Some laying almost flat on the ground. I sat and watched for a bit as this was kind of new to my senses! Then I closed my eyes and just sat. I tried to listen for Gods voice and feel His presence. It didnt take very long before I realized I was in a completely different place than I had been an hour earlier. I don't mean a different building....I mean a different place. A place where Gods manifest presence was dwelling. By manifest I mean, literally, His PERSONAL presence was there.
Nothing about the service seemed planned to me. I believe almost 100% of it was completely led by the Holy Spirit! WOW! Please dont misunderstand me...I understand that we need some structure to our services, but why is it that we feel like we have to put so MUCH into planning the songs and order of the service, and our Pastors (some of them...not all...Our own Pastor has been VERY sensitive this year to the Spirits leading) spend so much time and hard work preparing a sermon that pales in comparison to what will happen in our services when the ALMIGHTY shows up! What FAITH it takes, to just step aside and allow God Himself to completely take over!
Like I said, this was completely new to my senses. I heard cries that can only come from deep within someones spirit taking a voice of their own and being expressed with such freedom it was overwhelming! At one point, I recall Pastor Cindi saying " I bet this is what it sounded like when Jesus was at the Marketplace." Yep, I bet when Jesus was healing and casting demons out, people werent holding back for fear of what others would think. Pretty sure people just cried out in praise! We are told of Jesus' triumphal entry in Mattew 21:9 that "The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed SHOUTED "Hosanna to the Son of David!" "Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!" "Hosanna in the highest!" What would happen if we SHOUTED when we were in Gods Holy presence? Doesnt He deserve so much more than that even? And how are we even content to just sit in church service after church service never having been stirred by the Holy Spirit?
The problem is that we have just become "used to" church. Its something we do on Sundays. Sure, our motives may be pure. We say we are going to church to worship. But what exactly does worship look like?
In Texas, worship that week was like everything else in Texas....BIG!! MAN.....they did not hold back ANYTHING! But I believe with everything in me that worship is not truly happening today in many churches in America. Sadly, I believe there are even big churches...with big attendence who are just plain dead.
When I think of worship, I picture, of all people, the Muslims! The way they get on the ground and bow completely down! Or I think of churches so on fire that people start shouting out loud in the middle of a song or prayer or sermon! I think we hold back WAY to much in our worship! And Gods word says if we keep quiet, the stones will cry out! (Luke 19:40) We cannot let that happen! We were made to worship HIM!!! When we begin to worship like that, I believe God opens Heaven and POURS down His Spirit on us!
There was one morning at prayer conference when I felt like God opened Heaven and it literally touched Earth in that room! We were singing Holy, Holy, Holy, if I remember correctly, and everytime I closed my eyes, I truly believe I could see the shadow of the Holy Spirit passing in front of my eyes. I began weeping, because the presence of God was almost tangible. I could barely stand up under it.
This is just how it is when we get so desperate for Gods manifest presence to show up that we literally beg for it! We have to hunger for it. Thirst deeply for it. And never stop asking for it! And when He shows up?.....well our lives will never be the same. We will never want to miss church again!
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Learning to trust....with yet another thing
Today I begin the 8th day of a 21 day journey to draw into a closer, more intimate walk with my Lord. Its called "The Daniel Fast". A few of the Ladies from my church decided they wanted to do this together, beginning at the first of the year, in order to give God the firstfruits of our year. The idea is to fast from certain foods, as Daniel did in the bible, and while detoxing the body, creating a hunger and thirst that is not for the foods of this world, but rather a hunger and thirst that can only be filled by our God. In so doing, we begin to fill ourselves on His HOLY WORD! Through prayer and devotion and the continual reading of His Word, we are transformed and find ourselves in a much closer relationship than when we started.
This morning, I awoke and found myself in a quandary. I love when God reveals things to us when it isnt even light outside yet. I got out of bed and began to journal. I will share the prayer from my journal in just a moment, but I feel like I need to explain that last night at our prayer meeting at church, I felt like I had very little to repent for. I try to begin each Tuesday night with repentence. One of our Pastors once said that at the times they didnt think they had anything to repent for, they would ask the Holy Spirit to show them what to repent of, and it would always come. I did that last night, and I felt like I was really searching to come up with anything. Then this morning....WHAM! The Lord finally came through! For some, this may not seem like a big deal....but in my life....this is HUGE! You see, as a byproduct of doing this fast, I have asked the Lord to help me fight and win the battle I have had with food and dieting all my adult life. I need to put this love for food to death! It has become an idol of sorts in my life. I'm tired of gaining weight, feeling like a failure and starting a diet. Then gaining weight, feeling like a failure and starting a diet. I care WAY too much about my weight. And not enough about taking care of the body God has given me. So while my main purpose in doing the Daniel Fast isnt to lose weight... I am fasting and praying about letting go of the issues I have with food. Hopefully thats enough background... Here is the prayer from my journal.
God, I feel like you just spoke something huge to me. I have yet ANOTHER issue with trusting you! Another addiction to break. Every morning for a very long time, I have gotten up to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, and weigh myself. I didnt stop that when I began the Daniel Fast. I continue to get up, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and step on a little square machine to wait for the numbers that will tell me if I "worked hard enough" the day before. I need freedom from this monster! I need to put my trust in you! I have asked you to help me end this battle with food once and for all. Yet, I'm still using a man made device to tell me if I fought the battle hard enough or good enough. Where is my trust? You could have carried the Israelites through that desert, had they only trusted in you! The desert was a time of testing for sure. But one they could have passed much more quickly than they did.....40 years. Wow.
This battle I have ahead of me is not for me to fight alone, just as the Israelites didnt have to go through the desert on their own! I'm reminded of Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still". Being still, to me, means i must let go and trust you! If I am seeking your kingdom first and above all else, all of the rest of these things will be added unto me! Your Word says it! I know I can ask you for things that line up with your will and they will be given to me! This battle I have had with food and dieting for 30 years ( the Israelites dont have much on me!) is certainly NOT your will! Your will is to see me delivered from this bondage! Therefore....you are on my side! You will help me fight the battle! I have only to arm myself with the Word of God and this battle I can surely claim! So no more scale! At least not until day 21 when I can boast of YOUR good works, not my own. The battle for me today is much more in letting go of that scale addiction than anything else.
Putting my trust in you 100% is definitely a test for me sometimes. But I do trust you God! And if I can trust you with SOME things, then I can trust you with EVERYTHING!! Thank you O Sovereign Lord for showing me such compassion, patience and LOVE! In you I will put my trust now and forever more. Amen.
This morning, I awoke and found myself in a quandary. I love when God reveals things to us when it isnt even light outside yet. I got out of bed and began to journal. I will share the prayer from my journal in just a moment, but I feel like I need to explain that last night at our prayer meeting at church, I felt like I had very little to repent for. I try to begin each Tuesday night with repentence. One of our Pastors once said that at the times they didnt think they had anything to repent for, they would ask the Holy Spirit to show them what to repent of, and it would always come. I did that last night, and I felt like I was really searching to come up with anything. Then this morning....WHAM! The Lord finally came through! For some, this may not seem like a big deal....but in my life....this is HUGE! You see, as a byproduct of doing this fast, I have asked the Lord to help me fight and win the battle I have had with food and dieting all my adult life. I need to put this love for food to death! It has become an idol of sorts in my life. I'm tired of gaining weight, feeling like a failure and starting a diet. Then gaining weight, feeling like a failure and starting a diet. I care WAY too much about my weight. And not enough about taking care of the body God has given me. So while my main purpose in doing the Daniel Fast isnt to lose weight... I am fasting and praying about letting go of the issues I have with food. Hopefully thats enough background... Here is the prayer from my journal.
God, I feel like you just spoke something huge to me. I have yet ANOTHER issue with trusting you! Another addiction to break. Every morning for a very long time, I have gotten up to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, and weigh myself. I didnt stop that when I began the Daniel Fast. I continue to get up, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and step on a little square machine to wait for the numbers that will tell me if I "worked hard enough" the day before. I need freedom from this monster! I need to put my trust in you! I have asked you to help me end this battle with food once and for all. Yet, I'm still using a man made device to tell me if I fought the battle hard enough or good enough. Where is my trust? You could have carried the Israelites through that desert, had they only trusted in you! The desert was a time of testing for sure. But one they could have passed much more quickly than they did.....40 years. Wow.
This battle I have ahead of me is not for me to fight alone, just as the Israelites didnt have to go through the desert on their own! I'm reminded of Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still". Being still, to me, means i must let go and trust you! If I am seeking your kingdom first and above all else, all of the rest of these things will be added unto me! Your Word says it! I know I can ask you for things that line up with your will and they will be given to me! This battle I have had with food and dieting for 30 years ( the Israelites dont have much on me!) is certainly NOT your will! Your will is to see me delivered from this bondage! Therefore....you are on my side! You will help me fight the battle! I have only to arm myself with the Word of God and this battle I can surely claim! So no more scale! At least not until day 21 when I can boast of YOUR good works, not my own. The battle for me today is much more in letting go of that scale addiction than anything else.
Putting my trust in you 100% is definitely a test for me sometimes. But I do trust you God! And if I can trust you with SOME things, then I can trust you with EVERYTHING!! Thank you O Sovereign Lord for showing me such compassion, patience and LOVE! In you I will put my trust now and forever more. Amen.
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