Fear

 What a way to start my morning! A cup of coffee, a sandwich thin with a pat of butter on it,  and my homework from my Daniel study in front of me.  I began to read where I had left off last night before going to prayer meeting.  Immediately I was confronted with something I didnt even realize was an issue in my life.  I think I read about 3 paragraphs and was so stricken with the heaviness of this topic that I could not go on.  I began to pray immediately about it and ask God what He wanted me to do with this.  The answer came quickly.  STUDY AND MEDITATE ON THIS UNTIL YOU FEEL A BREAKTHROUGH.  Wow!  So what is this topic?  F-E-A-R.... FEAR.  Yep.  Didnt know, I had it, but I do.  And its been crippling me.  I have a couple areas specifically that I can think of off the top of my head, and as I begin to really dig into this subject, Id be willing to bet that I have many more. 

The writer of my devotional shared this one sentence and got me right there.  " Fear God and nothing else".  It got me thinking, if God wants us to fear nothing else but Him, then surely fear itself of anything else is from the evil one.  She asked the question "what role does fear play in your life?". I stopped and thought a minute.  The first  thing that came to mind was how I fear not having enough money to pay our bills, feed our family of 9, put gas in our cars, clothe our children and pay for any extras that pop up during the month.  I think I pretty much CONSTANTLY worry about this!  And daily I say out loud to the Lord, "I trust you Lord and I know you have promised to provide for my needs".  And then I get up and spend my entire day worrying about it!!  WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT???

The second thing that came to mind was my 20 year old son.  He is living at home, going to our community college during the school year and sitting in his room with no motivation to do anything during the summer.  I have had multiple confrontations with him over this, and yet my FEAR of losing him has kept me from following through on what I most likely need to do which is to push him out of the nest and let him figure out adulthood without mommy by his side.  I'm crippled by this fear.  I'm not kidding you.  He's great at making me feel like I nag him all the time and tells me frequently that he thinks what I really desire is to just kick him out cuz he's such a failure.  He thinks I'm never satisfied with anything he does.  Im sick with fear that I will lose him forever. 

So what did God speak to me this morning?  Several things.  The first one is that I need to stop moving forward with my devotional until I have victory over this issue of fear!  This may take me days, weeks or months!  But I am to stick with it until I have been released from it.  The second thing He spoke to me was about my issue with my son.  If the opposite of fear in this situation is trust, then  obviously its not about  putting my trust in my son to do the right things, I must give this one to God.  COMPLETELY!  I must offer him my son every single day and trust God with his life.  As I pondered that, the authors words came back to me.  "Fear God and nothing else".  I must have a healthy fear of God Almighty!  If I seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, all these things will be added unto me.  In seeking God Almighty and his will in my life, in being obedient and fearing only God himself, I can be assured that He will take care of my needs.   He will take care of my son.  I CAN trust God with this!  So in humble fear of my creator, I realize that I have to do everything I can to raise my family in the ways of the Lord.  My job with my son?  Just to teach him the ways of the Lord.  And Gods promise is that he will not depart from it.  I raised my son in the church.  He believes in God.  But even the demons believe and tremble!  My boy is not living for the Lord.  But he is still in my house!  And I still have the opportunity to teach him the ways of the Lord!  Its not too late just because he is 20.  He is not a child, but he is still a student! 

I will fear nothing but the Lord my God.  I will walk in obedience, seek His face daily, and trust him with my whole life.  And then tomorrow, I will remind myself of this and do it all over again.  Its a daily thing.  Satan wants us to struggle with fear!  We must put on the armor of God and fight this battle just like any other.  Even when we 'fear' the fight itself. 

I am not asking God to deliver me from fear today.  Im asking Him to show me His glory in such a mighty way that I fall to my face in awe of Him and fear nothing else but the Almighty God, the Ancient of Days!!

And this is just day one!!  I cant wait to see how He speaks to me about this tomorrow! :)