Today I begin the 8th day of a 21 day journey to draw into a closer, more intimate walk with my Lord. Its called "The Daniel Fast". A few of the Ladies from my church decided they wanted to do this together, beginning at the first of the year, in order to give God the firstfruits of our year. The idea is to fast from certain foods, as Daniel did in the bible, and while detoxing the body, creating a hunger and thirst that is not for the foods of this world, but rather a hunger and thirst that can only be filled by our God. In so doing, we begin to fill ourselves on His HOLY WORD! Through prayer and devotion and the continual reading of His Word, we are transformed and find ourselves in a much closer relationship than when we started.
This morning, I awoke and found myself in a quandary. I love when God reveals things to us when it isnt even light outside yet. I got out of bed and began to journal. I will share the prayer from my journal in just a moment, but I feel like I need to explain that last night at our prayer meeting at church, I felt like I had very little to repent for. I try to begin each Tuesday night with repentence. One of our Pastors once said that at the times they didnt think they had anything to repent for, they would ask the Holy Spirit to show them what to repent of, and it would always come. I did that last night, and I felt like I was really searching to come up with anything. Then this morning....WHAM! The Lord finally came through! For some, this may not seem like a big deal....but in my life....this is HUGE! You see, as a byproduct of doing this fast, I have asked the Lord to help me fight and win the battle I have had with food and dieting all my adult life. I need to put this love for food to death! It has become an idol of sorts in my life. I'm tired of gaining weight, feeling like a failure and starting a diet. Then gaining weight, feeling like a failure and starting a diet. I care WAY too much about my weight. And not enough about taking care of the body God has given me. So while my main purpose in doing the Daniel Fast isnt to lose weight... I am fasting and praying about letting go of the issues I have with food. Hopefully thats enough background... Here is the prayer from my journal.
God, I feel like you just spoke something huge to me. I have yet ANOTHER issue with trusting you! Another addiction to break. Every morning for a very long time, I have gotten up to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, and weigh myself. I didnt stop that when I began the Daniel Fast. I continue to get up, go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and step on a little square machine to wait for the numbers that will tell me if I "worked hard enough" the day before. I need freedom from this monster! I need to put my trust in you! I have asked you to help me end this battle with food once and for all. Yet, I'm still using a man made device to tell me if I fought the battle hard enough or good enough. Where is my trust? You could have carried the Israelites through that desert, had they only trusted in you! The desert was a time of testing for sure. But one they could have passed much more quickly than they did.....40 years. Wow.
This battle I have ahead of me is not for me to fight alone, just as the Israelites didnt have to go through the desert on their own! I'm reminded of Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still". Being still, to me, means i must let go and trust you! If I am seeking your kingdom first and above all else, all of the rest of these things will be added unto me! Your Word says it! I know I can ask you for things that line up with your will and they will be given to me! This battle I have had with food and dieting for 30 years ( the Israelites dont have much on me!) is certainly NOT your will! Your will is to see me delivered from this bondage! Therefore....you are on my side! You will help me fight the battle! I have only to arm myself with the Word of God and this battle I can surely claim! So no more scale! At least not until day 21 when I can boast of YOUR good works, not my own. The battle for me today is much more in letting go of that scale addiction than anything else.
Putting my trust in you 100% is definitely a test for me sometimes. But I do trust you God! And if I can trust you with SOME things, then I can trust you with EVERYTHING!! Thank you O Sovereign Lord for showing me such compassion, patience and LOVE! In you I will put my trust now and forever more. Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment